Our Constant Potter

As the end nears here in Costa Rica, I'm am much more in tune to my surroundings here.  I notice how the light passes through a low lying cloud, or reflects off the mountains just North East of my house.  I've been contemplating many events that happens here, whether it be a two hour talk with a staff member, or simply strolling down the street with the interns.  And I'm reflecting a lot on some specific events and situations here.


Looking back, I've had many new experiences here, many of which have been so foreign to me, and some still familiar.  But it´s been every bit of exciting, adventurous, challenging, and rough.  I've felt deeply the presence of God here, and so dry at times; I've dealt with spiritual warfare and attack.  I've experienced things that impassioned me greatly, and suffered through rough boredom and numbness.  In some ways, I've fit in here and in some I've felt like Smalls first stepping onto the Sandlot.  I've gone between feeling deeply loved by those around me, to feeling so solitary and alone.  And probably the hugest blessing is that I'm learning with joy how sweet it is to experience the love God has for Shelley, and growing in a romance that draws us together in Him.


God is showing me the mountain of clay in me that He wants to craft.  Each thing I do, every way I react to a situation, or when someone speaks to me, is a direct reflection of my heart, and God is the potter conducting every bit of refinement that purifies my love for Him and my brothers.  God spends thousands of hours working out every bit of detail on us, picking, pulling, crushing, re crushing, breaking apart, and spinning until He has us just the right shape.  And we go through a variety of tools, some of which are smooth and gentle, and some we cringe even when we hear it rustled out of the drawer.  But some times the hardest thing is that we don't start to see our progress for a long while.  And we don't yet see the end until we emerge from the furnace.  And I've definitely wrestled in this process with my own worth, failures, joys, and triumphs.  


Anyone who spent any time in chemistry, physics, or another science in high school, college, or professionally knows how the lab technician works.   He works meticulously going through every one of his carefully planned procedures, passes the substance through his beakers, burners, flasks, centrifuges takes us under the hood, but the results from all this testing don't come until the end.  But with love like a Father, God keeps us going through our process until we get to the end and see how our tests came back.  And they come out just like He expects, not what we expect.  We may look at the results or look at the end of our trials and not be pleased with what we see.  Someone will always look better, have responded with more grace, stood with much more perseverance through rejection, been much more fervent in prayer than we were.  But God knows exactly how He wants us to emerge from each process, and he's pleased with the results, so long as we've drawn nearer to Him.  And the thing is that each new process won't leave us complete.  He shows His approval toward us by getting us ready for the next process, the next molding table, or the next measuring tool.  And although we don't always grasp everything He is doing, He keeps it all in mind, and reveals to us our progress as His affirmation and encouragement.  


So, as I reflect on my internship here in Costa Rica, it hasn't been at least in my eyes the greatest success story.  However, I'm beginning to understand how affirmed and honored I am that God would see me fit to come here to Costa Rica and pass through His testing and His handiwork.  He's also starting to make clear the amazing work He's done in me here.  It's like the dust stirred up by God stepping in my life here in Costa Rica is beginning to settle and open up a clearer view of His handiwork in my heart and my life.  I'm beginning to see ways God has delivered me from bitterness, resentment, lack of grace, and opening up my heart to receive Him and purely Him.  He's clearly molding and forming my heart to want the things He wants, even if my understanding of this is currently so weak.


And God is also opening my heart to receive love and affection from brothers, family, and from God himself.  And He's using Shelley to help move me into that.  


So my prayer now is that I would glean the works of His hand throughout my time in Costa Rica, and that He would give me specific revelation of His hand in every part of my work here in Atenas.  I've passed through another of many crucibles He will put me through, and I want to come out with understanding of His work, and reflect on the results of His work and praise Him.


Speaking of Shelley, she and her mom, Grace, came to visit last week, and God taught us amazing things through our adventures in Costa Rica together.  Praise God.  When we said goodbye in January, we didn't know if we'd even be able to talk to each other, but over these few months, God has begun to bloom a relationship He's been growing and feeding for about three years now, and It's such a beautiful experience.  And it's cool to think back on each season we've gone through in our relationship and talk about all the ways God kept us totally in His will, and anticipate the work God will do in the season to come.  And in Her visit here, God definitely gave us a glimpse into this next season as I return to Austin, as well as gave us an awesome time together here in Costa Rica.  


I don't mention it often, but I still lack about $2500 to pay for my internship, and I really want to highlight the opportunity to invest in this work that I've done with eMi and what God has done here.  I haven't been the best about lovingly asking for funds, or talking to God about it, but I know that God loves providing for those who ask for it.  So I want to really encourage each of you that if God has blessed your heart through His testimony in my life here, or even if He hasn't, please search and see if God wants you to give. 


I bless you all for your prayers and your support.  
Brad